So much has happened that its hard to know where to begin…
Well to start off my mother, my mother-in-law and I were on a week and a half long road trip to check out the town that my husband and I are planning on moving to. And though the trip did not go as I planned, God definitely made sure it went as He planned. For starters my mother wasn’t supposed to be going with us, it was supposed to be just me and my mother-in-law, but at the last minute the day before we were set to leave my mother decided she was going to come with us. Even my mom didn’t really understand why until later. But I cannot be more grateful to God that He put it on her heart to go.
My mom has always been the most faith-filled person that I have ever known when hard times hit. She has been through a lot in her life and seeing how God has gotten her through all of it gave her an amazing amount of faith that no matter what was happening God was going to take care of all of us. I grew up watching this about her and it is something that I can pin point as a major reason that I came to God in the first place. Seeing my mom walk through horrible situations joyfully trusting God was an amazing thing to see, and it made me want to be like her. Now as an adult it is something that I try my best to emulate.
When we go through hard times I remember my mothers faithful resolve that God takes care of everything, and it gives me the strength to get through it all. Because even when the worst things happened to us when I was growing up, like when we lost our house in the 06 housing crisis, or when all of our goods were stolen and we thought that my parents business was going to go under, no matter what, my mom walked in faith believing that everything would be ok. And even though it was different, we were ok. We always had everything we needed. When we lost our house God provided a way for us to buy the house across the street, and I remember us just wheeling are stuff across the road to our new home. I was a kid that loved adventure and was just excited that I had gotten to choose my own paint color in my new room (it was mint green and I regretted it for the near decade that I lived in that room) But it wasn’t scary because my mom wasn’t scared.
But about 4 years ago things began to change for my mom, the weight of what we were going through as a family began to weigh on her spirit. Family problems, more financial difficulties and the state of the world began to take hold. Slowly that inhuman amount of faith began to diminish and me and my sister watched as my mom became nearly unrecognizable to us. Without her limitless faith it was like my mom was a different person, angry and scared all the time. Slowly she drifted further into the bondage of fear and I watched not knowing how to pull her back. See me and my mom had always called each other our faith accountability buddies, God often used us to help one another, to give a word, or fill up each others cup. But as my mom fell deeper into the world and depression, it seemed there was nothing I could say to pull her back. It was terrifying and heartbreaking. I wanted nothing more than to help my mom but nothing I would say seemed to. And I watched my mom slip further from me and further from her strength in spirit. She never stopped believing in God, but I think she stopped believing that she deserved God’s help.
As the years went on she began to question her salvation. She would read verses like Matthew 7:21-23 21 “Not everyone who says to Me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ shall enter the kingdom of heaven, but he who does the will of My Father in heaven. 22 Many will say to Me in that day, ‘Lord, Lord, have we not prophesied in Your name, cast out demons in Your name, and done many wonders in Your name?’ 23 And then I will declare to them, ‘I never knew you; depart from Me, you who practice lawlessness!’” She would read this and say to me that God was talking about her. At this point my mom was more broken than I had ever seen her.
I think the straw that broke the camels back was my Dad (Stepfather, but I never call him that, as far as I am concerned he is my dad just as much as my dad is) My mom married him almost 20 years ago. He is a Jewish man that did not believe and Jesus and my mom a devout Christian. Though they had hard times because of this, it was just another thing that my mom had faith in. And her faith was not put in without reward, one amazing day my dad accepted Jesus into his heart. If you guys would like to hear the story of how my Jewish dad came to believe in Jesus at Temple on one of the High Holy Days, it is an amazing story that I would love to share with you so just let me know in the comments 🙂
When he came to faith I was so excited I bought him a cross, it was a cheap little thing but he wore it everywhere! And because he was so well known in our little town it gave him the opportunity to share his testimony with so many people. It was amazing. And after years of prayers for him my mom had peace knowing that he was saved.
But one day when He had went to his parents house he had forgotten to take the cross off, he hadn’t told his parents about his new found faith, and after an altercation with his father he put away his cross and never wore it again. This, I think, is what broke my mom. The pain and anger of watching her husband go through that was too much. My dad didn’t denounce Christ, but he wasn’t growing either, stalled after what had happened. And my mom dove deeper into uncertainty.
At the same time things financially kept getting worse. We had never bounced back after our goods were stolen, and had continued to be on a downward trend since. And while we always had what we needed, it wearied my parents that things were always getting worse.
When the Global pandemic struck the world in a way that we have never seen before, my parents were put out of business, now there really was nothing left. This completed my mothers brokenness. She was wrapped in a tornado of guilt, shame and anger. She couldn’t understand why all this was happening to them and to the rest of the world. They had 3 other adults and a baby that lived with them and counted on them, and they had no way to provide anymore.
That’s when my mom decided to go on this road trip with us. She needed a small escape from her life and the road trip was the opportunity. That night she packed a bag and the next day she was hopping into my jeep, with hopes of getting space and getting back into her relationship with God.
Unfortunately as I said before the road trip didn’t go to plan, for the first time in the four years that I have been with my husband, my mother-in-law and I were having problems. Each day it got worse, and I know at multiple points my mother regretted coming with us, this was not the peaceful trip that we had both hoped for. But still God had a plan.
See my mom seeing me hurt and upset pulled her out of her own problems and depression and into what I lovingly call, MommaBear mode. It is amazing how when we see that others need us that we can put our own troubles aside to be there. And my mom had put hers aside just long enough for God to have a window.
One night I think on day 7 of being on the road trip my mom and I were emotionally exhausted, we were heading for the barn, and just wanted to be home. And as my mom is calling my dad to say goodnight he drops yet another bomb. All the little savings that they had to get through until quarantine is over, was gone, there was nothing left and they would likely loose their home, or have to do a reverse mortgage just to get through. At this, the dam that was holding back all of the fear, and pain and anger broke. But it is in our lowest points that God can do a great work in us. Looking back you can always see how God prepared these moments. A few days before we were in a Christian book store and just as I was praying asking God if there was any book that He wanted me to buy I saw Jeremy Camps book “I Still Believe” on the shelf. I didn’t think anything of it at the time, I was already going to buy the book to support Jeremy but hadn’t even planned on reading it. See I haven’t really been a big fan of his music, but he is a friend of our Pastor and I knew Jeremy to be a really good guy and wanted to support him.
In the car on day 7 God had started telling me to read the book, I obeyed and as I read I was enthralled, I related to it so much and I knew it was an important book for me and my mom, and as Jeremy is talking about how his parents always gave there time to God I prayed again, a prayer I say often, “Lord let me not get in your way of using me for your purpose.” And God heard me. That Friday night while my mom is in a whirlwind about their finances, God moved. If your a Christian you may have experienced this before and know what I mean when I say that God kind of took over. Giving me the words to say to my mother. The conversation lasted for hours, but by the end my mom had committed to laying all her burdens down and trusting in the Lord again, trusting that he would deliver them from this. It was a very emotional and wonderful moment with God. And all throughout He showed that He was there, at one point I went up to our hotel room to give my mom time to pray and when I got there I went into deep prayer, if you have read my previous posts than you know prayer isn’t my strength and yet here I was on my knees in some of the deepest prayer of my life. All the while I hear my moms phone going off. Later on after my mother had accepted that God would take care of them and had laid her burdens down, we went back up to the room. When my mom checked her phone we saw that my sister had sent her a text that said the exact same phrase that God had kept having me repeat over and over to her “Let it go and trust God”. This was confirmation to my mom and me, we couldn’t deny that God really was at work. My mother was in shock.
This alone would have been miracle enough, my mom leaving behind years of fear and anger to embrace the peace of God again would have been enough and it brings tear to my eyes just thinking about it. But my friends, God wasn’t done. The biggest thing that still held my mom back was the financial. It was the biggest thing that God was telling her to let go and trust in Him. When Coronavirus first hit and my parents business was forcibly closed, being considered non-essential, my parents had applied for unemployment. The process was hard but the eventually got approved. They had thought then that things were going to be ok. But they never received anything. 8 weeks worth of aid stalled on pending, the payments not going through. Any of you that have dealt with a government agency, especially one that is supposed to be paying may know how impossible it is to get anyone on the phone, my dad would sit for hours on hold only to be hung up on. It felt hopeless.
Saturday morning, the next morning after my mom had agreed to trust God again, my mom called my dad, who was shocked beyond measure. He tells my mom that he had just gotten off the phone with the unemployment agency. They had called him. Something that never happens let alone during a national crisis of this magnitude where hundreds of thousands of people are unexpectedly applying for aid. It turns out that it was a simple error that had stopped payment, she told him it would be fixed right away and that all eight weeks worth would post to his account in a few days.
God did not wait long to prove to my mom that he would take care of them. My mom and I were in tears praising God. And I was so relieved knowing that they were going to be ok, and that I had my mom back, she was filled with joy and faith that I hadn’t seen in years, she was my mom again. On top of everything else when my mom told my dad what was happening and what had happened last night, he actually received it recognizing that it was God who had done this. And even more than that my mom and I realize that it is the Sabbath day, God had given them peace on the day of rest. See, ever since my dad came to faith, every time big God things have happened for them, they have always happened on a Jewish Holy day, that my dad could see that it is God working for them.
From this point on that day my mom and I are overflowing with joy, worshiping in the car toward our next stop, and also being unaffected by everything that was going on on this trip. All the negative couldn’t touch us. We were overwhelmed by Gods immediate action in my parents life.
And if you can believe it, we got another call a few hours later. My dad had checked the mail to find a letter from unemployment, saying that there had been a mistake and that the money was to be released. Meaning that there was even more so, no reason for that woman to have called, but call she did. My dad went online and say that all those pendings had changed to paid. That afternoon the money was already there when the women had said it would be days. God wanted to show by those letters that well before the previous night He had already fixed the problem. The miraculous love of God is amazing.
For one more miracle, as if everything else was not out of this world amazing already. A few days before all of this when I was at that Christian bookstore God had put it on my heart to buy my dad a new cross, this one Messianic (a star of David with a cross in the middle). I had told God I didn’t see anyway that my dad would wear it, but I bought it anyway. And my mom had also felt called to buy a book about the Jewish roots in Christianity, it was the last one on the shelf and my mom had happened across it on her way to the bathroom, she was equally unconvinced that it would help but also obeyed and bought the book. Now sitting in the car that day after all of the miracles, God reminded me of the cross and He told me what to say when I gave it to him. “Everything is going to be ok, God’s got this, and when your ready to put this on, He will be waiting for you.” I gave him the cross the next morning after getting back home. I really didn’t think he had received what I had said to him, but later that day I got a text from my mom, a picture of him wearing it, her caption “he put it on all by himself” After everything that happened my dad was ready to put back on the cross and start walking with God again. When my mom’s faith was restored my Dad’s was also.
This trip didn’t go to my plan. But I will remember it forever as a shinning example that God’s plans are WAY better than my own.
The Memoir of a Christian Millennial 